I'm An Expert on Relationships, LOL
The November Ask Me Anything blogging challenge is going well. Today's question is once again from @annie@social.lol on Mastodon. She wants to know, "What's an important lesson you've learned about relationships?" As a happily married guy, albeit in marriage number four, I feel fully qualified to share my expertise on this one. Anyway, relationships also include friends, work, and more.
High School Sweethearts
I got married the first time to my high school sweetheart. I was 18, she was 17. We already had a baby and had another one pretty quickly to boot. Today, all four of us are doing OK. Getting an early start on children made me a young grandparent able to do plenty of stuff with my huge collection (13) of descendants. Although the marriage didn't last long (three years), it did not ruin my life in any appreciable way.
Don't Marry Someone You Meet in Rehab
I don't really need to explain this one, do I? Also, ten-year age gaps create certain realities, many of them not positive. 1/10 Would not recommend!
Even Good Relationships Can Wither
I think it's fine, healthy even, to have interests and hobbies different than those of your partner, but interests and hobbies need to take second place in a marriage. The most important thing in a marriage is the other person in it. Taking them for granted or assuming that all the hard work is in the past is unwise. That's all I have to say about that.
Good Relationships Have Requirements
It is quite possible to be true to yourself and also put your partner's needs at the top of your list. My relationship with Wonder Woman works because I have respect for her needs. I know what things are important to her, and I accept that without argument. She does the same for me. She kind of had to train me, and I had to allow myself to be trained. I don't think either one of us has extravagant demands. We have evolved into a couple that spends most of our time together. Most of what we do, we do together. I don't go running with her, but I do go to most of her races. When we are at home, we spend most of the time in the same room, often within an arm's reach of each other. We always kiss goodbye, including before work, at lunch, and before sleeping.
Work is Hit or Miss
In the job I retired from, I made several friends that outlasted my employment. A couple of them have lasted more than 20 years. We've done things socially, been to each other's houses. I've watched them get married and have kids just as they've watched my family grow. I believe in being friendly with the people I work with and finding out about their lives. I had the same boss for many, many years, and the guy was so disinterested in everyone who worked for him. He didn't know anything personal about his employees, and I just marveled at his indifference. Most work relationships don't evolve into friendships, but I think it's important to humanize my co-workers and not see them as cogs in a machine.
Organizations
I'm an outspoken and energetic person. When I'm in a group of people with a common purpose and something needs to be done, I don't mind voicing my opinion about the direction we take, nor do I mind stepping up to do the work. I don't know how to be any other way. The upside to this is lots of people appreciate you. The downside is a lot of people resent you. I don't like being resented, but what I like even less is a group of people staring at each other, waiting for someone else to make the first move.
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