Writing
- Restart your computer. Seriously. This solves many, many problems. Do this even if you don’t think it will help.
- Answer all the questions you are asked truthfully. Don’t say you restarted you computer if you actually didn’t.
- Remember that the person on the other end of the phone almost always wants to solve your problem too. They are not the cause of your problem. Technology is complicated and finnicky and sometimes things don’t work. That’s the price we pay to live in the 21st century.
- Obey the Golden Rule. Talk to the person on the other end of the phone like you would want to be spoken to.
- If you are calling because you got an error message, know what the error message said and be able to relay that information to tech support. Don’t just say “I got an error
- Be prepared to tell tech support what you were doing when the problem occurred. (e.g., What program were you using? What other programs were open? Did the computer make any sounds?)
- If this is a reoccurring problem, how long has it been happening and what was your reason for not reporting it sooner? (Did you have a solution to the problem that no longer works?)
- Can you reproduce the issue or is it intermittent? If you can reproduce the issue, know what exact steps you took before the problem surfaced. (Keep in mind that intermittent problems are among the most difficult to resolve because of the difficulty in determining if the issue is fixed)
- What have you tried on you own to solve the problem? (Not that you have to solve your own issue, but it doesn’t hurt to Google it. It might be something simple that can save you a call.)
- Be familiar enough with the tools you use to know what operating system your computer uses and (especially if you are on a corporate network) what the name of your computer is.
- Do your best within your abilities to describe the issue. It’s not cute to use language like ‘thingy” or “doohickey”. If you don’t have the IT vocabulary to explain an issue, there’s nothing you can do about that. Just use plain language and you’ll be moving towards a solution.
- If you are having a problem with something online, try to know if your computer is wireless (bonus points if you know the name of the Wi-Fi network) or if it is connected to a network through a cable.
- Only call for help if you have the time to work through the problem. Don't call five minutes before a meeting or quitting time.
- Not letting how I feel be reflected on my face
- Being asked to do something for someone they should be able to do for themselves
- Remembering where I left my phone, keys and glasses
- Figuring out my cell phone bill
- Getting web hooks to work on my websites, although I think I may have gotten there
- Small talk
- Anything requiring me to open the hood of my car
- Saying no to my grandkids
- Climbing anything (life-long struggle)
- Listening to most 21st century music
- Anything without coffee
The Fascinating History of Swearing in Movies
Left to my own devices, my language is quite profane. I temper myself in public and on the Internet, mostly because my Mom reads my blogs and I care about offending her. But, when I am working on a troublesome computer or dealing with carrying my groceries across a rainy parking lot, swearing is in order. It's all kind of silly of course, deciding that one sound is OK but another sound is bad. I know a certain Kindergarten aged boy whose take home behavior chart recently had a big red X on it and a notation that he "Said the F Word!!" He probably won't do that again, not worth it I'm sure.
As for movies, well society seems to have moved from not letting Lucy and Ricky Ricardo sleep in the same bed to an anything goes situation. In the first season of The Wire on HBO (AKA, the greatest TV show ever made), there is a scene that is just shy of four minutes long during which the F-Bomb is dropped 38 times by two actors. What a great play on words!
One fact I learned while looking for links for this post - the director of Gone with the Wind paid a fine equivalent to $100,000 today just so Clark Gable could say, "Frankly me dear, I don't give a damn." That is a commitment to art right there!
The First Onscreen Curse Word Was in This Classic Movie
Well, I swear: A brief f---ing history of profanity in the movies
The top 10 movies with the most swear words
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Don't Burn Bridges
Some of the best advice I ever received was an admonition against burning bridges. An old co-worker told me that when I was getting ready to leave a job at which I was unhappy. The immature side of me wanted to leave in a blaze of glory, letting everyone know what I thought of them and the place that employed them. Somehow I'd convinced myself that my opinion was important and that all those people needed my approval to be happy - none of which was actually true. You may have seen someone do exactly what I contemplated. It's always icky and transparent and never looks good.
Sometimes people start burning their bridges when they are getting ready to leave a group as a way of self-protection. They don't want the separation to hurt so they begin to withdraw and cut off relationships. That's understandable. But I try to avoid doing it as best I can. Sometimes in our lives a certain group dynamic only exists for a short while under a certain set of circumstances that can never be recaptured - political campaigns, social movements, even some educational opportunities are like that. Just because the magic of the moment is gone doesn't mean that the people involved in it are no longer valuable, not because of what they can do for you, but just because people and relationships have an intangible worth that we honor when we continue to respect them.
In the current political environment in the US, I am very much of the mind to avoid people who like and support the president-elect. Their values and mine are obviously tremendously different. At a fundamental level, I just don't understand what makes them tick, nor do I have a desire to. But, I'm not seeking out every conservative I know to let them know that Lou Plummer thinks they are a bad person. There are ways to avoid people without purposefully alienating them. This in no way means that I'll silently nod my head when someone begins to spout off about how wonderful DT is, it just means that I don't feel the need to tell anyone off preemptively.
When someone decides that ending a relationship with me on a negative note is the thing to do, it makes me wonder what they hope to gain. It doesn't happen very often, and usually when it does, it's part of a mass casualty event when a disgruntled co-worker exits, but occasionally it's personal. It reeks of immaturity and poor judgement. I do the best I can not to take it personally. Some people are just built that way, I suppose. In reality, telling someone off, getting the last word, and making a dramatic exit only kind of feel good and only in the moment. That action is usually followed by a big let down and moments of self-doubt.
It's like my Mama (and probably yours too) used to say. If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything. It’s not trite. It's true in most contexts. Exceptions can be made for calling out injustice and bigotry.
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To All the Ones I've Loved Before
The social media landscape is in flux these days. Twitter is having it's second mass exodus. The first happened when Elon Musk purchased the network in 2022. The most recent is a result of the 2024 US election. The primary beneficiary appears to be Bluesky. Mark Zuckerberg is being mocked for rapidly making changes to Meta's Threads to copy the things people like about other networks. Even Instagram is now allowing users to reset the algorithm so they can see more from people they follow and less of what Meta wants them to see.
Over the years there have been many social networks come and go. They promise to be the next big thing but they end up falling to the wayside when they end up not being able to compete with the behemoths. Let's hope the underdogs make it this time. I'm heavily invested in Mastodon and I am beginning to also spend time on Bluesky. I want them to last.
Here are a few of the late, great attempts to catch on that tried and failed or were just superseded.
What Happened to Myspace? The Fall of the Social Giant | Enterprise Tech News EM360
The Quiet Death of Ello's Big Dreams - Waxy.org
Looking Back on Ping, Apple’s Failed Social Media Platform – iDrop News
Why Google+ Failed: 5 Lessons To Learn For Entrepreneurs
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Living a Life of Leisure
For years, I fantasized about not having to work and all the really fine things I would do when that magical time arrived. Then I retired and was at a loss. I read a lot of books and watched a bunch of movies, but it wasn't what I'd call really fun. Instead, it felt like I was just doing things to occupy my time. Eventually, I just went back to work. That was a pretty good solution, but not a perfect one. I still think about not having to work a lot, but I think the next time I get that opportunity, it will be different.
My fantasy retirement includes plenty of time for writing. Over the past year, I have made blogging a priority by default. It's something I enjoy. I do it every day, and I can just imagine having the time to fully develop ideas, do research, and polish my posts instead of the rush jobs I'm knocking out now. I'd like to have a nice office space at home with decent speakers to play music on, a really comfortable office chair with all my tried-and-true computer essentials right there at my fingertips. I don't currently use my office space because it's not where Wonder Woman hangs out. When we are at home together, we like to be together.
I'm so conscious of my limited free time right now that I don't like to use any of it to do anything except exactly what I want to do, with a few limits. I imagine myself with more time, being more willing to get a walking routine established with just the right mix of music playlists and downloaded podcasts like I did before my mobility was limited by knee surgery. I would not be forced into early pre-dawn walks like I am now.
Since I'm a couple of years older than Wonder Woman, part of my fantasy retirement will be spent at home while she is still working. I will be able to use my time to do some of the chores, like grocery shopping, that we now do together on the weekends. I'm not going too far out on a limb by claiming that I will be Molly Maid or anything because that ain't happening. The cleaning and lawn services we've had over the past few years have been among the best investments we've ever made, and I am way too used to them to think about moving backward and taking that stuff back over myself.
A few years ago, I looked into volunteering at a few places using the skill set I have in technology. I didn't find anything that was a good fit around my work hours, but I'd be willing to look into that once more while having a much more flexible schedule. We have one of the best military history museums in the world in my hometown, but it's mostly staffed by retired guys from the 82nd Airborne and Special Forces. My half-communist ass would probably not fit in well there, although you never know. I have some retired military friends who are just as radical as I imagine myself to be.
The primary benefit of not having to go to work is that I'll no longer have to do customer relations. I'm not the biggest people person. Although I don't have any problems with getting along with folks at work 99% of the time, that remaining 1% is a giant PIA that sucks the joy out of too many days. When I never have to crawl under another desk to plug something in for another adult, I will truly be a happy man.
For the time being, however, I'm going to keep punching the clock and just enjoy knowing that, if push comes to shove, I can make my way towards the exit. I'll enjoy the 99% of the job that isn't aggravating and be extra grateful that I get to ride back and forth (and eat lunch!) with the love of my life.
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I updated my /now page - What I’m reading and watching, plus links to this week’s blog posts, the week’s best purchase, and the links I added to my personal bookmarks.
Winners and Losers
Now I've been a-lookin' for a job, but it's hard to find.
There's winners and there's losers.
And I am south of the line.
Well, I'm tired of gettin' caught out on the losin' end.
But I talked to a man last night.
Gonna do a little favor for him.
Atlantic City by Bruce Springsteen
Societies, including ours, have a habit of classifying people as winners and losers. In World War Two, Japanese soldiers committed mass suicide in battle after battle rather than surrendering or being beaten. I am reminded of a scene from the Will Ferrell comedy, Talladega Nights, after Ricky Bobby's sons brag of throwing their grandfather's war medals over a bridge and disrespecting a teacher, their dad exclaims "My boys are winners and winners get to do whatever they want." It's obvious that a lot of people share that sentiment.
Athletic contests by design have a winner and a loser at the end of the competition, but who is going to call Aaron Judge of the NY Yankees, a man whose salary is twice that of the entire Detroit Tigers, a loser? Are the athletes who go to the Olympic games and don't win a medal losers? Maybe they use that definition on their own minds as motivation, I don't know. I've only been around a couple of Olympians and I didn't ask them. I just know that from my own athletic career, I felt like a winner every time I gave the competition everything I had. What more could I do?
I've never been as opposed to anything in my life as I was against the Us war with Iraq. I opposed it with everything I had. When Obama, who unlike other prominent Democrats, had never supported the war, was elected, I felt like the antiwar movement had won. So did a lot of other folks. Most coalitions closed up shop as we waited for the troops to come home. Only it took years for the last soldier to leave Iraq (2011). When Obama left office in 2017, there were still American soldiers in Afghanistan for reasons no one could really explain.
There are people who turn just about everything into a competition to satisfy some need they have to be better than other people. I've known too many dentists and ad execs who, in their minds, turn into Tour de France riders on a Saturday morning bicycle ride at the club ride. Putting other people in danger and disrupting the flow of the entire undertaking is entirely acceptable in their minds if they can beat a bunch of school teachers and retirees to the next stop sign. Even on something as neutral as the Appalachian Trail, there were those people who bragged at camp sites about how many miles they'd covered and how fast they'd hiked. No one cared.
It's funny how these competitive types never try to win the competition on the job to close the most tickets or help the most customers. I wonder why.
After the recent election, a lot of people feel like they are on the winning side, but I have news for them. Unless they are in the 1%, they are going to come out of the next four years on the losing end. The educational system is going to suffer, and that hurts everyone. Unmitigated climate change will accelerate, and that hurts everyone. Pollution will increase. Government services will be deprecated. We will all live in a less functional country. All of that Trump-style winning is going to help one fat guy with a bad combover and too much makeup.
Winners are happy people. Winners are those amongst us who live in peace. They don't have the biggest houses or the nicest cars. What they have is appreciation for what they've got and an absence of longing for what they don't. They enjoy what they enjoy without a need to beat someone else. I like winners like that.
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Diamonds Are a Racket
Contrary to what you may believe, the practice of giving diamond engagement rings isn't a long established tradition. It's a 20th century practice concocted by a single company, DeBeers, and promoted through an exhaustive marketing campaign. Today the image of men holding a little box up to a woman to propose marriage is instantly recognizable for what it is, a conditioned practice reeking of human rights abuses that puts young couples into debt for a rock, robbing them of an opportunity to use their resources to actually improve their quality of life. It needs to stop.
How DeBeers Invented the Engagement Ring
Blood diamond | Conflict, Trade & Human Rights | Britannica
The diamond industry is lying to you …
Diamond Trade Still Fuels Human Suffering
The Big Lie About Diamond Engagement Rings
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AMA - What Are Your Favorite Childhood Memories?
This might be rough for some. Not everyone had a happy childhood. Mine certainly had its rough spots, but for the most part, we had a lot of opportunities for pure joy too. So, in no particular order, here is a hit parade from the 70s.
Music - My mom and stepfather had a record player that stayed busy. I grew up listening to music that I still play today. We had all the Beatles albums. James Taylor got a lot of airtime. Especially for us kids, we got to listen to Pete Seeger sing Little Boxes and Abi-Yoyo. I even remember my stepfather playing a particular Arlo Guthrie record with Alice's Restaurant. My own dad was partial to Neil Diamond, so I get feelings for him whenever I hear one of the familiar songs.
Food - My mom didn't always cook breakfast, but more often than not, we didn't have to resort to cereal. Being in the South meant that bacon, eggs, and grits were a staple, although she had an actual waffle iron, so we got that sometimes. Pancakes and oatmeal were also on offer. When we did get cereal, there was always a controversy over whose turn it was to get the prize in the bottom of the box. I wasn't really fond of the "eat everything on your plate" rule that my stepfather imposed because Mom insisted on regularly serving English peas, which I despise to this day. I did learn how to enjoy asparagus though.
Travel - We weren't that well off, but we managed to have plenty of opportunities to visit parks and beaches when we happened to be living in the eastern part of the state. We moved a lot. When I grew up, I took my kids to some of the same places I'd been able to go to as a kid. One problem with travel was the size of the cars my parents had. Imagine five people in a Ford Pinto on a late-night trip up Interstate 95 from central NC to Washington, DC. That one was partially a business trip. My stepfather, a journalist, got to attend a press conference with other NC reporters to grill President Ford.
Holidays - Despite the lack of funds, we were never disappointed at Christmas. We got all the regular stuff kids get: bikes that lasted for years, baseball gloves, and always books about whatever we happened to be interested in at the time. We usually traveled to see family too. To my mother's everlasting credit, even though she and my dad got divorced around the time I started school, she has stayed in contact with his family to this very day. My dad lived out of state, but we still got to see our grandparents, our aunt, and our uncles.
Freedom - In the time before cell phones and excessive protectiveness, we had the license to roam. I was a hustler as a kid, always on the lookout to make a few bucks, and I rode my bike far and wide looking for soda bottles to sell back to the store. I walked the roads looking for aluminum cans. My mom willingly took me to the salvage yard to cash those in. We always had permission to go to the library when we lived someplace where it was close enough to get to. Some summers I practically lived there. Lots of times we lived in apartments with pools, and when we didn’t, we joined a co-op pool, which I didn't realize until I was an adult was whites only. I was born the year the civil rights act was signed, but there were still vestiges of segregation around if you looked.
TV and Movies - We had the same 19-inch TV my entire childhood. In the afternoons, we'd watch black and white re-runs of The Beverly Hillbillies, The Andy Griffith Show, and Gomer Pyle. Some of our favorite nighttime shows were Happy Days and * Laverne and Shirley.* One little town we lived in had a main street movie theater with one-dollar tickets. We could just about see the place from our house, and we got to go there whenever anything appropriate was playing. We still make fun of my sister for leaving Pippi Longstocking early because she got scared.
What was best about all of that was that it took place in an environment of my mother's love and commitment to give us the best childhood she could. She 100% succeeded, and I am so very grateful to this day.
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What Do Kent State, Bloody Sunday and the Next Four Years Have in Common?
The last time Donald Trump was in power, he told the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Mark Milley, that he wanted the military to "beat the fuck" out of racial justice protesters. "Just shoot them,"he told Milley. When Attorney General William Barr and Milley explained that the law didn't allow that, Trump responded, “Well, shoot them in the leg – or maybe the foot. But be hard on them!.”
Many states havepassed laws that provide immunity to drivers who kill protesters with their cars. Think about it. Republicans, and all these bills were passed by GOP-controlled legislatures, are essentially invoking the death penalty for the crime of blocking traffic. Following the alt-right/Nazi rally in Charlottesville, VA in 2017, Heather Heyer was killed by a self-professed Nazi who drove his car into a crowd of protesters. If he'd done that in modern-day Iowa or Oklahoma, he would be free today instead of doing life in prison.
When Richard Nixon ran for president, he did so on a law and order platform. Under his watch, the Ohio National Guard opened fire on unarmed students protesting the Vietnam War and the invasion of Cambodia at Kent State University. Four were killed. Nine more were shot but survived. The Nixon administration blamed the students for the shootings. None of the National Guardsmen were ever convicted of any criminal charges.
Less than two years later, Irish Catholics marching for civil rights in Derry, Northern Ireland, were fired on by paratroopers from the British Army. It was January 30, 1972, a day known as Bloody Sunday. Fourteen unarmed men were killed. Twelve more were shot but survived. Many outright lies were presented by the British government justifying the killings. It took decades before British Prime Minister David Cameron finally absolved those killed of any guilt. By then, it was too late. Thirty years of violence between the IRA, loyalist paramilitary groups, and the British Army resulted in over 3,000 deaths.
If the Trump administration resorts to militarized responses to the legitimate grievances of the American people, we are going to have a lot of new articles on Wikipedia about infamous incidents with lists of the names of those killed by a government that will blame the innocent and the unarmed for their own deaths.
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Living in the Bible Belt
For a good part of my life, I tried to be religious and failed miserably. During my formative years, church was a social connection as well as a place for religious instruction. During elementary school, my Mom was married to a non-believer, so she didn't attend church, but my siblings and I went with a neighbor to a Southern Baptist church on the outskirts near the prison. My brother and I were active in the boys’ youth group, called RAs for Royal Adventurers. In the summer, we went to VBS (Vacation Bible School).
In high school, I lived with my aunt and uncle. They went to a Presbyterian Church, one of many in the area, reflecting the Scottish heritage in the part of North Carolina where we lived. One of my favorite parts of each week was the Sunday evening Youth Fellowship meetings. It was the one place where kids from the different high schools in the area hung out together. We had a church league softball team that was a lot of fun. Our yearly beach trip was something I looked forward to immensely. I got a lot of love there in spite of getting caught smoking weed by the youth minister. I wasn't a well-behaved kid, but I was still welcome.
As an adult, I have attended Baptist, Presbyterian, and Seventh-day Adventist churches. I've been baptized at least twice. I may have also been baptized as a baby since during the brief time my parents were married to each other, they attended the Methodist church, which practices infant baptism. All three of my children attended private, church-affiliated schools for part of their K-12 lives.
Both my sister and my father are ordained ministers in the United Methodist Church. It was a second career for both of them. In retirement, Dad no longer worships at a Methodist church because it has grown too liberal for him. My mother has done medical missionary work in Rwanda. She is a member of an Anglican church that is affiliated with the Rwandan version of that denomination. She was a member of an Episcopalian church for a long time, but when her congregation split after the ordination of Gene Robinson, an openly gay bishop, she went with her husband and the other conservatives to form a new congregation. My sister has many of the same political beliefs that I hold, and she is one of the few people I feel comfortable talking to when it comes to issues of faith.
Despite all that churching, I ended up a non-believer. I tried as hard as I knew how to find a connection with a supernatural God, but I never felt anything, not ever. As a recovering alcoholic from the 12-Step tradition, which relies heavily on the concept of a "higher power," I had to do considerable mental gymnastics to finally get sober. I finally resolved to use my AA group as a power greater than myself. Collectively, that is 100% true, and it was only after I stopped fighting against what I felt was an inappropriate religious influence that I was able to stop drinking for good, or at least for the last 16 years.
Aside from the lack of an emotional connection with religion, my other reasons for the position I hold are much the same as many other non-believers. I can't reconcile things like the Holocaust and childhood leukemia with a loving and caring God. The historical reality of how the Bible became canon is more than a little sus to me as well. I really like quite a few parts of it anyway, especially The Sermon on the Mount, which is as good an outlook on a righteous life as I have seen anywhere. I am also disgusted to the very core of who I am as a person with right-wing-influenced Christianity. People who talk Jesus out of one side of their mouth and cut nutrition programs for the poor out of the other side are contemptible, and I want as little to do with them as possible. When I think of the average white conservative Christian, I think of the ways they advocate for things like discrimination against LGBT people, their support for the death penalty, and their attempts to force their beliefs into the political fabric of a country that was founded on religious freedom. I like Christians like Jimmy Carter and Martin Luther King, Jr. I do not like Christians like James Dobson and Tony Perkins. I think they are evil people.
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AMA - Do You Have Faith in the Future?
Brandon asked - "Do you have faith in the future of humanity? Why or why not?"
By nature, I am neither a pessimist nor an optimist. I do the best I can to live in the moment. The future will take care of itself, I figure. I do have my moments where I dare to contemplate what's going to happen. I don't always have a rosy view. Like a lot of people, the recent presidential election shook me to my core. The realization of a lot of my worst fears is already in motion as our new government takes shape. From a purely personal perspective, here in old white guy land, things are just grand. The future of Lou is pretty rosy, but I will be damned before I let that selfish perspective be the lens through which I view the world.
As bad as things look, there is one overriding truth. Throughout the history of mankind, things have always gotten better. Sometimes the pace has been excruciatingly slow. At other times, progress has been made at breathtaking speed. I look at things like HIV research. We've gone from an epidemic illness being a death sentence to it becoming just another treatable illness in one generation. We went from the first airplane to landing on the moon in a single lifetime. Mankind is badass like that.
When I talk to friends having a rough time, I like to remind them that every bad thing that has ever happened to them in the whole entire life hasn't killed them. Whatever they happen to be going through at the moment, whether it be a lost job, a divorce, or something else, isn't likely to kill them either. Sometimes in life, you lose battle after battle only to win the war. During the civil rights movement, the people of Birmingham had police dogs turned on them and were sprayed with fire hoses as police chief Bull Connor dealt violently with nonviolent protesters. John Lewis had his skull fractured for marching across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama. The very next year, the Civil Rights Act was passed. Bull Connor lost, and John Lewis won.
Life is a series of peaks and valleys. When we are down in the valley like we are right now, it's hard to remember what the mountain tops were like. It's a lot easier to be pessimistic than it is to be positive. People of faith have heaven to look forward to, but secular people just have their one wild and precious life. I'll not let anyone take away the things in this life that give it meaning. I will continue to be a loud and proud progressive. I will hold on to the values I have until I find a better alternative. There are plenty of people like me. The conservatives have won two majorities over a period of 32 years. Their current hold on power is temporary, and unless we move into a total dictatorship, and I realize there is a chance of that, we will have weapons of democracy to use.
The challenges we face are real. Climate change, competition for resources, rising authoritarianism, oppression of vulnerable minorities - all of these things are real. We will experience setbacks in combating them, but we will win in the end. We always do.
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Humor Me
Inspired by a post from Annie Mueller, I thought I'd write about humor today.
Making wisecracks is one of my primary forms of communication. Just about anything can be funny if you frame it the right way. It sometimes shocks people who don't know me that well, but anyone who has to suffer through working with me gets used to it rather quickly. I lean towards dry and acerbic humor because that's pretty much the way I perceive the world. There are an awful lot of absurd things about being alive, and pointing them out to people gives me purpose. I can't stand it when there is an obvious joke waiting to be made and yet no one will say anything because "inappropriate." No! Someone needs to get that laugh. It might as well be me.
I went through a stage when I downloaded routines of some of the most famous comics who have ever lived to listen to when I was spending a lot of time in my car for work. Being funny on demand didn't seem easy, but it didn't seem that hard either. I thought about writing some jokes and going to an open mic night at a comedy club, but I never followed through. For one thing, me and bars don't mix well, and I also might have been a little bit chicken. It was still fun listening to Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks and even Bill Cosby. This was before he went to prison for being a predator.
I think Richard Pryor is probably the funniest human who ever lived. His humor is timeless because it's about the human condition. A lot of comedians do topical comedy, which is funny at the moment, but it doesn't age well. My daughter thought me and her mother were so weird because we went on and on about how funny the show In Living Color was. She finally found it on DVD and watched a few episodes. It was full of jokes about Barbara Bush and Mike Tyson and other people who just weren't part of her world. She was very disappointed and hasn't asked me for entertainment options in a very long time.
I try not to be think-skinned when listening to stand-up. I'm more than willing to grant artistic license to a performer, but there are still some lines that don't need to be crossed. I don't like anti-trans humor. If you were to substitute some other marginalized group for tans folks into some of those jokes, people would look at you like you were wearing a Klan robe. I get that not everyone "gets" the struggle of that community, but making jokes at their expense is getting old. Even otherwise perceptive people like Dave Chappelle and Ricky Gervais fall into the not-funny category when it comes to that brand of humor.
I love using humor as a weapon when I don't have anything else to offer. Any time someone tries to defend the indefensible to me, I laugh at them. You want to defend Trump? You're funny because he's a clown, and you're one too if you're defending him. Not only that, but you want to tell me why the death penalty or cutting school lunch programs are good ideas? I'm going to laugh right in your face. How can you seriously feel that way and call yourself a human being? Maybe that's disrespectful. Ok, it is disrespectful, but I don't really care. Laughing at you is better than fighting with you, which I don't care to do.
Feel free to send me jokes.
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Some Advice on Not Drinking
I am not one of those priggish tee-totalers who thinks drinking is a sin and that no one should indulge in demon rum, not at all. In fact, coming from a 12-Step recovery tradition, I have no real opinion on drinking as an institution, but I've never looked down my nose at anyone who enjoys a cold beer, a glass of win or a mixed drink. I don't look down my nose at people who have a problem with booze either. Nobody volunteers to become an alcoholic. Alcohol just has a way of taking over the lives of a certain percentage of the population, usually ones who have family members with the same issue. There are certain genetic markers for addiction and whether it's an illness isn't really debatable anymore except by science denying morons - so about half of America.LOL.Sob.
I digress. My point is, if you have decided not to drink for a night or for the rest of your life, whatever, here are a few things I have learned. Number one - it's less of a big deal to other people than you think it is. When people who like to drink are kinda sorta thinking about stopping, they almost always cite the social pressure to drink as a reason why they can't. That's their inner little drunk devil talking to them. Nobody cares! They aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are.
When you are at a party or a family holiday celebration, get a non-alcoholic drink and hold on to that sucker for dear life. DO NOT PUT IT DOWN! If you're trying to camouflage your sobriety, put a twist and a swizzle stick in you club soda. Just don't let go of it. I've had a couple of occasions where I've failed to obey this rule and ended up with a horrifying mouth full my step-father's gin and my sister's wine. Not cool. I didn't relapse or anything, but it's not a good feeling. Once my sister-in-law spilled a glass of wine on me and I had two-hour drive home. I used Vick's Medicated Rub in my nostrils to kill the smell just like people at the morgue do to cover up the smell of decaying flesh.
You can also plan on arriving late and leaving early to any parties when you are trying to live that sober life. Drinking mocktails or alcohol free beer is an option for some but personally I never wanted the romance of booze without the booze. If you get a craving for alcohol, eating sweets is a well known way to make the craving subside. Trust me.
If you've decided you do have a problem and you want to quit for good, and brothers and sisters, I'm here to tell you that for real problem drinkers, cutting back is not the answer. Abstinence is. Sorry, them's the facts. Anyway, if you want to quit, you can. You've never met anyone in your life who loves to drink as much as me and I haven't had one in about 16 years because of reasons. Lots of reasons.
My inbox is always open.
How to Stop Alcohol Cravings - Handling the Urges to Drink - Rethinking Drinking | NIAAA
How to Stop Drinking Alcohol | Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation
How to Stop Drinking Alcohol, According to Experts - GoodRx
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The Stranger I Know
AMA - What's one of the hardest things you have ever done?
My Dad woke up this morning and didn't know what day it was. Panicked, he sent a text message to almost everyone in the family asking for help. At this point, that means my siblings and his. We are a close family and several of us sprang into action. His brother-in-law lives a couple of miles away and was the first to arrive. My aunt, a nurse with more than 40 years experience was there within the hour. They got him to the doctor and then the hospital where the doctors are running tests to rule out a stroke. His thinking seems to have cleared up since he sent the original text but he still couldn't figure out how to set an alarm on his phone. That kind of thing is starting to happen with more frequency.
Dad is the sole care-giver for my step-mother who has Alzheimers. She still know who he is, although most of the rest of us are becoming strangers to her. She still hugs me and tells me she loves me, but when she was recently asked by a doctor how many children my Dad has (four), she was unable to answer. Her and Dad were in a car accident last month and the next day she didn't understand why she felt so sore, unable to remember what happened. Even though he walks with a cane or a walker, Dad still cooks for her and takes her on the daily drive she insists on going on.
My Dad was the first person I knew to have a computer. It was one he purchased at Radio Shack in the 80s. His experience with them predates Windows. Like lots of old-timers, he likes to talk about how much he paid for a 10MB hard drive back in the day. He used spreadsheets in DOS and used to be a master at writing batch files. Recently, he asked me to come help him with some IT issues. He has having problems changing the ink in his printer and wanted to make sure some important documents were getting back up. He's also mentioned not being able to remember how to access his photos or music. I was glad to help but I could see that he is starting to get frustrated by having to remember the procedures for tasks he's done for so many years.
My Dad and I don't see eye to eye on many things, especially politics. I've never liked to verbally spar with him because emotions take over and I can't think straight. He has always been one of the most intellectually capable people that I know. A lifelong voracious reader, he's a walking encyclopedia about a great many things. Unfortunately, some of the facts he's assimilated in the last 15 years came from Fox News, an outlet not known for presenting both sides of an issue. We do best when we talk about computers or when he tells stories about my grandparents. There are a great many things he doesn't like because they differ from what he considers traditional. You've heard about the type of person who wishes life today was like the 1950s? That's him.
Although he is financially able to afford assisted living for himself and my step-mother, he has so far resisted doing much more than just looking into it. He says that he is willing to pay for in home care, but so far he hasn't made any moves to get that underway. Maybe today's events will spur him into action.
Every time I see him these days, I have to determine whether he's having a good day or bad day. He has a sensitive nature, so I have to be circumspect. I have done my best in adulthood to let go of resentments toward him with varying levels of success. It has not been easy and that's on me. I feel like he does the best he can. I might wish he were different, but he isn't. He is who he is, and my job is to accept that the best I can.
As you may be able to tell, I am not a big fan of the aging process for me or anyone else, not that I have anything but wishful thinking to combat the process. I don't like the effects it has on me and I don't like seeing the way it changes the people I love. Writing this is the outlet for feeling that way. Thanks for reading.
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Need Tech Support? Some Tips
I started working in IT support right after Windows 95 was released. I’ve worked in manufacturing health care, banking and insurance, but primarily in K-12 and higher education. In some way or another, I’ve always been involved in end-user support. Currently I have a relatively low stress job at a well-run private university where the relationship between the IT department and the faculty, staff and students is pretty good.
Almost every adult in 2024 has experienced technical difficulties that required them to call tech support, whether it’s the help desk at your job, your Internet service provider or the manufacturer of your cell phone. I’m not immune to this. I switched ISPs last year and my new setup didn’t work when I followed the directions. It was frustrating, but I wanted to solve the problem, so I called.
I promise you that if you follow the steps below, your technology problems will get solved faster and with better results than if you don’t. And, trust me, I’m sure you’ve dealt with some incompetent or mean or unfriendly tech support folks in the past. I get it. That’s out of your control. What is in your control is how you react. Don’t act aggrieved or victimized. Be solution oriented and things will work out better.
Look, I understand technology is frustrating. Trust me. I do. My whole professional life has been spent fixing things that aren’t working as expected. But don’t be angry at the person who is there to help you. There’s no need to tell them how many years you’ve been using a computer or what high-speed tech job your kid has. Just work together, get the problem solved and then you can get back to work.
For Mac users who want to try solving their own problems, here are some resources.
Mac troubleshooting. Get tips on how to fix mac problems
Mac Basic Startup Troubleshooting Steps - Apple Community
macOS Basics: Troubleshooting Common Problems
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The Stories We Tell
Life is full of little moments we love to recount later. Here's a small collection of some of my favorites.
Encouraged To Leave
I have been “encouraged to leave” both a library and a used book store — and I was totally innocent both times. I impishly asked a reference librarian if she knew another word for “thesaurus”. Next thing I know there’s a deputy sheriff at my elbow. I thought I was off the hook because I used to work with him, but no. Out the door I went. At the used book store, I was looking at a book on wine. This is before I quit drinking, although I was sober for the purpose of this story. I think. Anyway, I’m looking through the book and I start finding big, gorgeous marijuana leaves, dried and pressed between the pages. There were a dozen or more. Laughing, I approached the front desk to show them. They didn’t think it was as funny as I did, and...you guessed it. Out the door I went. I still like to read though. I’ve never been kicked off Amazon.
Everything You Need to Get on the Internet
Back in the days when people were just starting to get online, Walmart ran a special on 14.4 modems, complete with an AOL disk and a phone cord. On the box it said "Everything You Need to Get on the Internet". Someone bought one and called me (I did side jobs back then) to help them get it set up. When I showed up, they handed me the box and looked at me expectantly. I asked them where their computer was and they looked confused. They pointed at the box - "Everything you need to get on the Internet." They didn't own a computer.
Two Boxes of Junior Mints
I have three kids, two girls and a boy. For the most part, they got along well when they were living at home. Group dynamics being what they are, there were times when they would go to war along gender lines with the girls using their two to one advantage. My son is a gentle soul who's never done a mean thing in his life, but he would get so exasperated at his sisters that he'd contemplate extreme measures at times. Once they'd done something that drove him to a dark place and he issued one of the most famous threats in family history. Shaking with anger, he told his step-mom and I, "If the girls don't leave me alone, I'm going to buy two boxes of Junior Mints and I'm not giving them any!" That was it. That was the meanest thing he could think of.
Getting Used to Farm Life
Prior to the age of 14, I'd been a city kid all my life. Then I loved to my uncle's farm, where I lived throughout high school. When I first moved there, he also managed a commercial hog farm, and I rode with him daily to work. As we moved around from barn to barn, I did my best to avoid stepping in anything unpleasant. Since there were thousands of hogs around, this was a difficult task, and it slowed me down considerably, much to his consternation. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed me by the arm, bent over and scooped something off the ground and rubbed it on my hand. He said, "Now you've hot hog shit on you. Quit dancing around and keep up. Let's go to work." A few years later, I was out in the cow pasture at home with a wheelbarrow picking up dried cow chips by hand to use as garden fertilizer. He saw me and brought up the earlier incident, remarking on how far I'd come in my farming career.
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I'm Tired, Boss
In the 1999 movie adaption of Steven King's The Green Mile, the guards go into the condemned man's cell to ask about the arrangements for his execution. They want to know his last meal request and if he wants a preacher to be with him. Ultimately, they even ask if he wants a chance to escape. The prisoner, named John Coffey, tells them he's ready to go, starting his speech with a resigned "I'm tired boss." Brother, I can relate.
Most of my working life hasn't been spent in a physically demanding job. Occasionally in educational tech we have to install computer labs or do large scale moves, but most of the work is honestly spent sitting down, alternately reading and typing. Sure, it can be mentally draining to do something repetitive or to solve a stubborn problem, but it doesn't make your back hurt.
I have had hard jobs that took a physical toll on me. I've worked as a cook in a busy restaurant. I've framed houses, and I spent time in the infantry. I've spent eight-hour summer days walking backwards down the highway carrying a heavy shotgun guarding prisoners the state wanted people to see out on the roads working. My teenage years were spent on my uncle's farm and if that man believes in one thing, it's teaching young people discipline through manual labor. I'm not unfamiliar with fatigue.
Even my leisure pursuits for years were spent chasing the endorphin rush that endurance sports can bring on. I loved 100-mile bike rides and backpacking over mountains. Building up endurance is an adaptive behavior. If you train a lot, you can do some pretty miraculous things.
The tiredness I'm aware of today, isn't a physical feeling though. It might be me yelling "get off my lawn" at the world, I don't know. What I'm tired of is a world that seems in some ways to be evolving for the benefit of the investor class and not for the working stiff. The last thing I want to do at the end of the day is to go to the grocery store and ring up my own order. The store I go to just took out half the cash registers and replaced them with self check out kiosks. Who wants that? I go to McDonald's for a cup of their fine coffee, and the only human I get to deal with is the one who sits the cup in front of me. All the ordering and paying is done through a giant panel that tries to upsell me at every turn. I'm even old enough to remember the days when people didn't have to pump their own gas. Why was that eliminated? It seems to have disappeared at the same time that gas got expensive.
I'm also tired of having to exercise discernment when I used to be able to just believe stuff. I could turn on the evening news and Walter Cronkite would tell me the deal, or may John Chancellor or Harry Reid. These days, I have to make sure I'm not in someone's spin zone when I try to stay informed. Newspapers that were institutions, like The New York Times, Washington Post and LA Times, are now operated by people who wouldn't be good contestants on Fear Factor. Some of them wouldn't endorse a presidential candidate, and they all lean towards sane washing the half of the American political system that is now ruling us. To be blunt, they have no balls, and it makes me tired.
I'm tired of a political system that's caters to a powerful minority. In the US, most people support a woman's right to choose. They support raising the minimum wage. They support equal (not special) rights for LGBT people. Do you hear me? Most people, the majority, support those things, yet they are always in contention because a party that has only won a majority twice in 32 years uses every under-handed dirty trick they can think of to subvert the will of the people. It's obscene.
I'm tired of things that used to be free or nominally priced. My kids grew up going to the state run aquariums located in a couple of our coastal towns. Today I have to drop a C-note to take my grandkids. Camping spots at state parks used to be free or just cost a five spot and now they cost as much as some hotel rooms. It seems like libraries may be all we have left, and thank god someone already thought of them. Imagine someone proposing a free service like that today. They'd be labeled a crazy socialist and chased out of town.
Thankfully, there are some things left that give me energy. Being able to exercise free speech fires me up. Seeing my southern state elect a Democrat (who is Jewish) for governor gave me energy. His opponent had labeled himself a Nazi and said he's like to own slaves. We also elected a Democrat for attorney general and state school superintendent. The Republican who ran for the school job had said she wanted Obama and Biden executed on TV and homeschooled her kids over sending them to public school. I am not without hope, and hope gives me energy.
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Camping with Kids
I didn't camp much while growing up other than an occasional trip with the church youth group. In high school, some buddies and I would sometimes sleep under the stars on the hillside beside the pond on my family's farm. Later, my military occupational specialty was in combat arms, so I got to spend plenty of time doing the Army version of camping at Ft. Bragg, Ft. Hood and Ft. Irwin among others.
When my kids were old enough, we liked going to Cliffs of the Nuese state park where I told such terrifying ghost stories that my son late confessed he'd been traumatized for life. My girls could take it or leave it, depending on their mood. They are both adventurous adults now with kids of their own.
Wonder Woman's daughters grew up camping with her and her parents but they haven't gotten into it as adults. Theirs are the kids who live closest to us. We se them often.
Despite our backpacking background, most of the camping we've done in our marriage has been car camping in state parks. There are several within a couple of hours of our house. We decided to take the five youngest to Jones Lake State Park for an overnighter this weekend. We have two campsites, three tents, miniature camp chairs and lots of snacks. The kids all brought electronics, of course, but they are more interested in fishing, playing cards and exploring the woods. I did a little research before we came for some activities to do with them and that's what I'm sharing today.
17 Fun Activities for Your Family's Next Camping Trip
Outdoor Activities and Crafts for Kids While Camping
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AMA - What things do you find difficult?
AMA - What things do you find difficult?
The book, The Road Less Traveled, opens with the memorable sentence, "Life is difficult." Truer words have never been written. Even for people who make everything seem effortless, life still has difficulties. In my more tender moments, as rare as they may be, I try and remember that everyone has rough stuff they are dealing with in one way or another and the rest of us may have no clue what that is.
One of the most difficult things for me these days is dealing with the people who just elected Donald Trump. When I am wronged personally, I usually can get to forgiveness pretty easily. After all, we forgive people not for their sake but for our own because holding on to resentment is toxic and it just wears you down. Personal wrongs are usually about single actions, though. When a person's entire value set allows them to turn the country over to someone like Trump, it's an indication of who they are at the core of their being. Yeah, it's hard for me to deal with.
I've reached the age where the people in my life from previous generations are all in their 70s and 80s. Watching them walk unsteadily across the room using a cane or someone's arm is unsettling. My uncle, who has always been the best example of strength and fortitude to me is still one of the manliest men I know but the days him being the first person I think of when it's time to lift something heavy are gone.
Having been very physically active for a number of years, I have found it hard to bounce back after having knee surgery. The purpose of the surgery was to give me back my mobility, the post recovery. I just haven't gotten my groove back. At this point, it is more psychological than anything else. I want to go to the Alps with Wonder Woman in the new year. I don't want to have to skip anything because I lack the stamina to do it.
Other difficult parts of life in no particular order:
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AMA - What is Your Favorite Quality in a Person?
A certain type of person cares very much about their constitutional right to own a gun so that they can defend themselves and their family from any perceived threat. They obviously believe in the need for a violent solution to a potential problem and are willing to take on all the added danger that owning a gun brings to their lives. Hey, after all, who wouldn't do whatever it takes for their family, right? Usually, that very same person is also adamantly against providing any type of accommodation to immigrants from countries where street violence is endemic, making the U.S. the only feasible sanctuary. It might cost them an extra fifty cents a day on their federal income taxes after all. Not only that, the more brown people there are in the country, the greater the chance that they might have kids, earn the right to vote, or speak Spanish in the presence of "real" Americans.
The same person who feels good because they adopt a kid from the Angel Tree at work every Christmas or because their church has a soup kitchen once a week has no problem supporting a political philosophy that would curtail food programs for the poor and eliminate Meals on Wheels for the elderly. They have a tremendous sense of entitlement for everything they feel they have earned and no sympathy for people who aren't in the same circumstances. Lots of people in the military lean conservative (not all though!). If you make a tour of barracks day rooms, you're likely to find lots of TVs turned to Fox News. Despite that, you will not find a more duplicitous, malingering, dishonest, getting free stuff from the government group of people than a service member at their discharge physical. There are people who specialize in helping them come up with every conceivable reason to get VA money for the rest of their lives for dubious medical reasons.
On the flip side, there are those who put themselves on the line for people whose circumstances they'll never share. Every straight high school kid who joins their school's Gay/Straight Alliance voluntarily risks bullying by homophobes. If you look at the roles of civil rights martyrs, you'll see the names of people like Mickey Schwerner and Andrew Goodman who lost their lives helping people register to vote. Plenty of white people who enjoy all the privileges that their skin color gives them are adamantly opposed to white supremacy in all its insidious guises. Fannie Lou Hamer famously said, "Nobody is free until everybody is free," and lots of people take that to heart and make it their creed.
I'm not sure what makes a person lack compassion and empathy. Whatever it is, it's unattractive and malignant. When you don't care that poverty, hunger, and untreated diseases exist as long as you've got yours, well, you have lots of company. It seems that the price of gas and eggs is more important to a whole lot of people than anything that might help the less fortunate. And, that's just it. It's more often fortune that dictates one's circumstances than it is blood, sweat, and tears. It's fortune that picks your birthplace and your skin color. It's fortune that lets your job continue to provide for you when others lose theirs. It's fortune that your neighbor's house burned down and not yours. It's fortune that you don't have a crippling illness.
I don't like associating with people who lack compassion. I don't understand their selfishness. I don't want to see them gloat and blame poverty on the poor, blame illnesses on the sick, and claim that any attempt to address the patriarchy, racism, or homophobia is "identity politics." My people are the people who care. My people are the people who make a difference. My people are the ones who make whatever claim America has to greatness a reality.
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