Hay field

I want to be better but...

I am not down with the belief that life is a steady process of self-improvement. I don't think it's healthy to live with a constant attitude of "I should be better." That leads to the feeling of "I'm not good enough" and that feeling is horrible. There are plenty of areas where I'm really quite satisfied with the skill set I have because it serves me well, and spending time on improving it would take away time I could spend on the things that bring me joy.

I am happy with my skills in the following areas:

  • Cooking - I'm not trying to get on Bake Off,
  • Car repair - I actually have no car repair skills and don't want any. It's intimidating, looks like Zero Fun. I'd rather pay someone.
  • Fashion - I've been successfully dressing myself since the 60s. I'm good.
  • Computer Maintenance - I buy Macs so I'm not tempted to get all hardware crazy on custom PCs because that is a rabbit hole I'm not going down

There are areas where I wish I were better. It's not that I feel incompetent, necessarily. I'd just like the benefits that come from mastering certain skills. When I see people who are wonderful at things where I just have basic competence, I want to improve.

Emotional Intelligence

I'm not giving up. I know I'm getting old, but I still would like to be better at people. My worst trait is inadvertently hurting the feelings of others by being too blunt or not phrasing things sensitively enough. I sometimes make jokes at a time when it's not appropriate, either. When I'm not feeling at the top of my game in my own skin, I tend to get careless about how I treat other people. One of my goals is to be more considerate, even when I am in a funk.

Writing

I'm trying to shake off the time I spent writing and editing technical documents and get away from short, choppy sentences and a style-guide frame of mind. I want to be more creative and gain the ability to describe emotional states in a relatable way. The writers I like the best are ones I can identify with the most. They just have a gift of capturing their own, and everyone else's humanity so well. That's what I am going for.

Aging

I want to be a cool old person, the kind that's definitely lot, a "get off my lawn" type. My goal is to admire people younger than me, not to judge them because they aren't carbon copies of my generation. I'm not seeking out respect based on the number of trips around the sun that I've made. I want to elicit as few eye rolls as possible from my grandchildren. You only get one chance to grow old, I don't want to screw it up.

Appreciating

I am constantly grateful for the life I have. I'm grateful for Wonder Woman, the kids and grandkids, the extended family and for the stuff I've accumulated. I've had the opportunity to meet some real giants through the years too, real world changers. I want to experience gratitude more deeply as I age. To understand and appreciate the struggles people go through is to be a better human, because doing that requires empathy. I hope I become more empathetic. I want to fully internalize the words of Fannie Lou Hamer, "Nobody is free until everybody is free." Just let me have the strength and the energy to never stop being part of the struggle working toward that ideal.

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