Pot_leaf

Life is full of little moments we love to recount later. Here's a small collection of some of my favorites.

Encouraged To Leave

I have been “encouraged to leave” both a library and a used book store — and I was totally innocent both times. I impishly asked a reference librarian if she knew another word for “thesaurus”. Next thing I know there’s a deputy sheriff at my elbow. I thought I was off the hook because I used to work with him, but no. Out the door I went. At the used book store, I was looking at a book on wine. This is before I quit drinking, although I was sober for the purpose of this story. I think. Anyway, I’m looking through the book and I start finding big, gorgeous marijuana leaves, dried and pressed between the pages. There were a dozen or more. Laughing, I approached the front desk to show them. They didn’t think it was as funny as I did, and...you guessed it. Out the door I went. I still like to read though. I’ve never been kicked off Amazon.

Everything You Need to Get on the Internet

Back in the days when people were just starting to get online, Walmart ran a special on 14.4 modems, complete with an AOL disk and a phone cord. On the box it said "Everything You Need to Get on the Internet". Someone bought one and called me (I did side jobs back then) to help them get it set up. When I showed up, they handed me the box and looked at me expectantly. I asked them where their computer was and they looked confused. They pointed at the box - "Everything you need to get on the Internet." They didn't own a computer.

Two Boxes of Junior Mints

I have three kids, two girls and a boy. For the most part, they got along well when they were living at home. Group dynamics being what they are, there were times when they would go to war along gender lines with the girls using their two to one advantage. My son is a gentle soul who's never done a mean thing in his life, but he would get so exasperated at his sisters that he'd contemplate extreme measures at times. Once they'd done something that drove him to a dark place and he issued one of the most famous threats in family history. Shaking with anger, he told his step-mom and I, "If the girls don't leave me alone, I'm going to buy two boxes of Junior Mints and I'm not giving them any!" That was it. That was the meanest thing he could think of.

Getting Used to Farm Life

Prior to the age of 14, I'd been a city kid all my life. Then I loved to my uncle's farm, where I lived throughout high school. When I first moved there, he also managed a commercial hog farm, and I rode with him daily to work. As we moved around from barn to barn, I did my best to avoid stepping in anything unpleasant. Since there were thousands of hogs around, this was a difficult task, and it slowed me down considerably, much to his consternation. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed me by the arm, bent over and scooped something off the ground and rubbed it on my hand. He said, "Now you've hot hog shit on you. Quit dancing around and keep up. Let's go to work." A few years later, I was out in the cow pasture at home with a wheelbarrow picking up dried cow chips by hand to use as garden fertilizer. He saw me and brought up the earlier incident, remarking on how far I'd come in my farming career.

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