This evening, Wonder Woman and I treated three of our daughters, two sons-in-law and eight of our grandchildren to a ride on the Polar Express train ride sponsored by our state’s transportation museum, located between Winston-Salem and Charlotte. Even though we are spread across the state, we gathered for the experience for which we’d purchased tickets months in advance.

Prior to boarding the train, we stood with other families in the chill air. Most people, including most of us were wearing pajamas. Local actors performed a few skits. We sang Christmas carols and judged three kiddos in a contest to see who could say “HoHoHo” the best.

Once on the train, we had our golden tickets punched. We were greeted by young actors playing characters from the book. Then we were served hot chocolate and cookies while we listened to an actor read the book to us. We stopped briefly at the North Pole where we disembarked to visit with the elves.

When we reboarded, each seat had a gift in it. Then Santa made his way down the length of the train and gave every passenger a silver bell. Before we knew it, we were back at the station.

The kids, ranging in age from a couple of kindergarteners up through a high school freshman, were all well behaved I was happy to make this memory with them. I’m up past my bedtime, but it was worth it.

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Ugh. I am exhausted by the virtue-signaling pretend progressives preaching on the Internet about how "murder is murder" and acting all judgy at those of us who aren't mourning the death of a vulture capitalist who let sick people die to enhance shareholder value for United Healthcare. Just shut up. There are no vigilante armies being formed to come to your job and shoot your boss. Maybe there will be a copycat or too, but we are not in the midst of a revolution. Yet.

In the 60s, the folk singer, Phil Ochs recorded a scathing song called Love Me, I'm a Liberal. Its lyrics are dated now with references to people long forgotten, but its spirit lives on. It jabs at people who want change, as long as it isn't messy. I wonder what exactly the pearl clutching crowd thinks it's going to take to get the kind of change we need to our healthcare system. Do they think that all those billionaires Trump is appointing to government positions are going to suddenly give a shit about sick middle-class and poor people? I suspect most of them have never experienced anything more than a slight inconvenience when it comes to the for-profit healthcare system.

Here's my story. I am a big guy, I've weighed over 200 pounds (ca. 91 kg) almost all of my adult life, sometimes a lot more. In my 40s, I decided to become an endurance athlete. I took up ultra-distance cycling and then long distance hiking. Even in more relaxed times I chose walking as my primary form of exercise. I developed osteoarthritis in both knees. Eventually, all the cartilage that cushions the collision between my femurs and the bones of my lower legs was gone. I had extremely painful bone on bone contact that ached constantly, making it hard to sleep or to be mobile. Every attempt at getting treatment for years was met with delays, denials and deception. The shots that provided the most relief cost a $1000 a pop. I was supposed to get them every six-months but the insurance company always dragged their feet getting things approved, and I usually had to wait eight or nine months. It was up to me to make numerous phone calls to every part of the system - the doctor, the pharmacy, and the insurance company.

The constant scramble to get treatment disrupted my job. It eventually left me severely depressed. I went from a fit man who hiked the entire 2,189-mile Appalachian Trail in 2013, to someone who could not walk a mile by 2020. That year I had both of my knees surgically replaced. at age 55 and retired early. I will probably never regain the fitness I previously enjoyed - all because an insurance company made life purposefully difficult in the hope that I would just give up and stop seeking treatment. All of that sucks for me, but it pales in comparison to the countless people who have lost their life savings and their lives after being denied needed medical care.

I do not care how messy it gets to fix our broken system. I don't have sympathy for the dead CEO because all my sympathy is used up on the suffering people of this country whose problems he and his fellow travelers cause. I am reaching the "any means necessary" phase of my life. When a people are held down by a ruthless ruling class, they eventually snap. Did you see what just happened in Syria? After paying a horrible, horrible price, they got rid of an autocratic despot. If you think the same thing couldn't happen in this country where there are more guns than people - well LOL.,

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As long as I can remember, i've enjoyed visiting the past in my imagination, something i can do just as easily with a Wikipedia article as I can while watching Lonesome Dove for the tenth time. Growing up, I loved my grandparent's' stories of living on rural farms before and during the Great Depression. Even my parents (who are only 17 years older than me) have fascinating tales of seeing Elvis and the Beatles on TV. Since I live on the East coast, my part of the US has recorded history that stretches back to pre-colonial times, and Native American history that goes back much further. General Sherman's troops marched down the road that lies at the end of my street on their way to burn a Confederate Arsenal whose ruins can still be seen. The US Constitution was ratified by my home state about three miles from where I live.

During the American bicentennial in 1976, I was in the fifth grade, and along with kids all over the country, spent a full year learning colonial history to a degree that has probably never been duplicated. Numerous battles between American revolutionary forces and British troops took place with driving distance at Guilford Courthouse, King's Mountain and Moore's Creek Bridge. I've been to them all.

Unlike many southerners, I am totally fine with the way the Civil War ended up. I'm no believer in the lost cause and I don't romanticize the reasons for the war in any way. It was fought to end slavery in the south, and it ended just as it should have. As a former infantry soldier, I can hardly imagine the discipline and courage of those who fought in that era. I've visited Gettysburg, and stood on the ridge where Union forces held their ground as thousands of Confederate infantry marched in formation across from where their lines formed in front of a religious seminary a mile away. It took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes.

I don't know if those who forget history are really condemned to repeat it. Having always been interested in the past, I am amazed when I encounter intelligent people who can't tell you the decade in which the majority of World War Two was fought. Some can't tell you who was president of the US when they were born. I can't even wrap my mind around being able to name who a pop star is married to while not knowing basic historical facts. I interpret almost everything that is currently happening in the world through a historical lens. I can't imagine functioning without being able to do that. That’s just me.

Obviously, I place a lot of value in curiosity and imagination. I'd much rather watch a historical drama than a superhero movie. It's not that I think the MCU is a bad thing for bad people, it just doesn't spark anything in me. I can't put myself in the character's shoes the way I can when a film has a historical reference, whatever it is.

History is written by the victors, it is said. What we know from books, including textbooks, is what the people who wrote those books want us to know. That is why my life changed forever when I read A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn, and Lies My Teacher Told Me by James Loewen at the age of 36. Suddenly, I realized that entire, important and meaningful pieces of American history had been purposefully obscured to keep from realizing their own power as union members, freed slaves, suffragettes and more. The first time I read a book about the formation of Israel from the perspective apart from the Jewish one, I was in disbelief. How come no one ever told me any of this stuff? I had a similar feeling when I learned that 85% of the Nazis who died in battle were killed by the Soviet Army. America did not win the war and save the world from fascism.. It played a part, sure, but a secondary part. More world view and my outlook on history have never been the same, and I am dedicated to learning more than what the power structure wants us to know.

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It sounds a little frumpy to declare one's self to be delighted. It's the type of word your grandmother would use, or maybe someone else not quite as cool as they ought to be. Personally, I think that is hogwash. I think delight is an outstanding word. You know what is better than the word? The feeling of being delighted, that's what. Let's define it.

Delight - A feeling of great pleasure and satisfaction: the little girls squealed with delight

I don't know about you, but I'm ready to have something to squeal at. Bring it on!

Today, what delighted me was the release of an update to my computer that featured an app that can take pictures of my grandkids and turn them into cute-ass princesses and cowboys. I've been waiting to use this app ever since it was announced. I updated my Mac immediately and started making pictures and sending them to my kids, my wife, and my grandkids. I was delighted. I had great feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. A lot of grumpy, stick up their ass types do not like this new feature because it uses AI, but there have been similar apps around for ages. It's a neat parlor trick. It makes kids and old men happy and if you don't like it, I feel sorry for you.

I am also delighted to get off work every single day. I value my time in the evenings to be with Wonder Woman, to eat whatever I want for supper and to engage in my hobby - writing this blog. At work, I have to do stuff I don't always like doing, such as installing Windows or helping ungrateful people who think it is my fault they forgot their damn password again. I'm at the point where after many, many years of suiting up and showing up, doing eight hours for the man no longer sparks joy. Ever.

Climbing into bed at the end of the day is another wonderful event. I have a good bed with an expensive mattress. My pillows won a tournament for the privilege of serving me. I have a great iPad I bought just to read every night for 15–30 minutes before I go to sleep. Through the miracle of modern technology, I have a silent machine that helps me breath all night long without interruption, something I am unable to do by myself. It allows me to sleep so soundly that I do not have to get up and pee every 90 minutes like I used to. That is a delight, I don't care what anyone says. I am able to climb out of bed in the morning to make my way to the coffee pot feeling rested and ready to start the day.

I am on the lookout for opportunities to be delighted throughout the day. My phone is a delight machine if I have ever seen one. It is capable of producing music that not only makes me happy today, it's been making me happy since childhood. Every time I hear Paul McCartney sing “Hear Comes the Sun” or Bruce Springsteen and the boys play “Cadillac Ranch”, I am delighted. When I take a quick glance at a text message from my profane daughter complaining about something spectacularly fucked-up, I am delighted that she is so good at expressing herself and that she chooses to share it with me. I will not lie, I have notifications turned on and that sweet stream of dopamine that I get when one of my social media posts resonates with people — my friend, it brings me great pleasure and satisfaction.

Wherever you are right now, whatever you are doing, start thinking about finding something delightful before you go to bed. Call your Mom, buy a Snickers bar, read an article from The Onion, howl at the moon. Do something to find some pleasure in this world that seems designed to drag us down and keep us at the bottom. Don't let the bastards win.

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If one of my friends came to me upset because they had been treated disrespectfully by someone at work, I'd ask them not to let themselves be defined by some random rude person. The world is full of assholes and unfortunately, we all encounter them from time to time. I'd let my friend talk it out and vent because that can help people begin to deescalate a bit. I'd help them come up with the best way to handle the situation. Was the asshole a peer, a supervisor, or a customer? Most of the time, the best advice will be to just go on living your life, doing your job and not to give the offender the satisfaction of knowing that they got to you. I would feel some compassion and gladly help them work through it because that's what friends are for.

I don't do so well when I have to give myself the same treatment. For the second time this year, I got absolutely blindsided by someone at work today. I was setting up a workstation for a chemistry professor when the admin for his department came in and announced "Make sure you check everything before he leaves because when they set up my stuff, nothing worked for two weeks." I looked at her dumbfounded.WTF? I set her up when she was hired and never got a single ticket from her afterwords. I've deployed workstations to hundreds of people on the campus and have never gotten that kind of feedback. I was embarrassed and knew better than to engage in front of the professor. I later emailed the admin and found out that part of her original issue was with her telephone, which isn't something IT handles. She doubled down on the rest of her story, though, claiming I'd left her with a laptop that couldn't access the network or print. That would be pretty difficult because part of deploying a computer is printing a page from a network printer that the user has to sign. 

Wonder Woman, who actually has an important, high-powered job at the same university, unlike my low-pressure, just doing it to pass the time job, did her best to talk me off the ledge. She swears that I am a well-loved and valued person who has a reputation for being super-helpful and nice. That's absolutely what I strive to do. I swear I'm not one of those mean IT guys that fusses at people. Nor am I a slacker. I'd never want to embarrass my wife or myself like that. I genuinely like helping people out with computer issues. I've been doing this for 30 years. During my career in public K-12 education, people were more professional and respectful than what I have encountered in higher ed.

I wrote an angry email that I didn't send. As the hours pass, I am less and less upset, but I am still bothered. I know I am not responsible for this person's lack of social skills. I don't question my ability to do something as simple as issue a workstation to a new employee. I don't know what it will take for me to feel whole after this. I plan to talk to my boss tomorrow to ask him to have a word with this lady's boss. I fear that my boss, who is very much a "don't make waves" type, will opt for ignoring it, and I don't know how to handle that. I'm not working these days for the dough as much as I am to have something to get me out of the house and keep me busy. If it starts feeling like a net negative, I can just head right back into retirement.

Anyway, thanks for listening/reading as I work this out in my own head.

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I updated my /now page - What I’m reading (The Hot Zone) and watching (Silo), plus links to this week’s blog posts, the week’s best purchase, (Phone case) and the links I added to my personal bookmarks.